"Not built for them”: Bengaluru dad explains why raising girls in India is an act of revolution

In a country where daughters are celebrated with words but often held back by reality, raising a girl with full freedom and ambition still feels like going against the grain. A Bengaluru-based father recently shared his thoughts on why raising girls in India is not just parenting, it's a revolutionary act. His experience is deeply personal but relates to many Indian families dealing with societal norms. His story highlights an important truth: the system isn’t built for girls to thrive without resistance.


“They tell us girls can do anything. But society sets the limits”

The Bengaluru dad, an IT professional and father of two daughters, explained how from the outside, it may seem like India is progressing—girls top board exams, compete in sports, and lead companies. But inside homes, schools, and communities, subtle (and not-so-subtle) barriers persist.


"Everyone tells my daughters the world is theirs. But when they actually go out and try, they’re reminded—this world wasn’t built for them," he said.


His daughters face daily reminders—from dress codes in schools, to being discouraged from late-night outings, to constant safety lectures. These aren't just protective actions. They reflect an undercurrent that expects girls to shrink themselves to fit in.

What's told vs what's true


The common belief is that girls today have the same opportunities as boys. Technically, laws and policies support that. But real-life experiences often tell a different story.


For instance, data from the National Family Health Survey (NFHS-5) shows that even today, over 50% of girls drop out of school after Class 10 in some parts of India. Early marriage, safety issues, and lack of access to higher education are major reasons.


The Bengaluru father highlights how raising girls to dream big is only the first step. The real struggle begins when those dreams meet societal expectations. “We tell them to aim for the stars but then pull them back when they ask for permission to go out after sunset,” he shared.



Everyday parenting becomes an act of defiance

For this father, small choices become acts of quiet rebellion—letting his daughter cycle alone, encouraging her to play football instead of taking dance classes, or letting her speak up when elders expect silence.


He recalled being questioned at family gatherings for being "too modern" in his parenting style. Even letting his daughter choose her own clothes raised eyebrows. These aren’t grand gestures, but in a society where girls are often told to behave, obey, and adjust, they carry weight.


Such parenting choices challenge deep-rooted gender roles, and that’s where the revolution lies.



Safety isn’t just a concern, it’s a barrier

The father's biggest frustration, like many others, is with safety. “Every outing, every commute, every after-school event—we are always thinking about what could go wrong. Boys are told to be bold. Girls are told to be careful,” he said.


This constant worry shapes how girls live. The fear becomes a cage, limiting choices, curbing independence, and shaping future decisions, from the college they choose to the jobs they apply for.


While India has made improvements in women’s safety laws, implementation remains inconsistent. According to NCRB data, crimes against women increased by over 12% between 2018 to 202, showing that the fear isn’t imagined—it’s real.



The dream is to raise girls without apologies

Despite the challenges, this Bengaluru father holds on to hope. He believes the real revolution is not just in fighting the system, but in changing the mindset within homes.


“My dream is not to make my daughters tough enough to survive this world. My dream is to help build a world where they don’t have to fight every step of the way.”


He talks about raising daughters without constantly asking them to adjust or settle. He encourages open conversations about consent, gender identity, and mental health. These are not common topics in many households, but they matter.